April 20, 2003
Hollywood — Gregory Nussbaum has ghostwritten his first and last treatment. Pictures in a Row has discovered that a declaration of principles concerning our passion for films-for-commerce as film-art, film-craft, and film-science — recently penned in secret by renaissance-man Gregory Nussbaum as he attempted to pretend to follow the errant ramblings of his collaborator Peter Lang as he (Peter) labored over yet another core assertion underpinning the means of realizing yet another silk purse — may in fact be the Holy Grail of treatments, or at least the center of a sort of Ptolemaic view of writing for film around which all treatments revolve. Suspicion lingers that Gregory was just trying to go home that night, but what a short-cut he took! Fans tired of the purple clichs doled out by the typical fast-buck, fly-by-night, pretentious pretenders and posers all too common in the production of commercials, flocked to Pictures in a Row’s Hollywood penthouse offices high atop the Hollywood athletic club tower (from whose lofty balconies John Wayne used to drop billiard balls on passing cars on Sunset — it was his office) for the chance for even a glimpse of the enigmatic Nussbaum. Lang, understanding that resistance was futile, proposed to Courtney Smith, exec. producer extraordinaire, that a mail-order treatment-writing service be set up offering a correspondence course with criticism by Nussbaum himself and one original treatment bearing a marked resemblance to Gregory’s first opus (as a tacit acknowledgement of its universality) for $99.00 a month in three installments. Smith agreed as long as it wouldn’t preclude her using the treatment of treatments for any jobs which floated over the transom while Lang (let alone Nussbaum) was out of town. Saves on phone-bills!, said Smith.
The policy was instituted, with the proviso (suggested by associate editor and Picrow on-site web guru Jason House) that subscribers paying their entire fees up-front would receive a Thurl Ravenscroft retrospective sampler Mp3, with all copyright issues devolving to the subscriber.
The original treatment, in all its trenchant, seminal glory can be viewed by clicking here.
Confirm the treatment’s power as the object of the film-pilgrim’s hejira by calling Courtney Smith at 323-957-5400 now. On your way, don’t forget to say hi to Chris Cafferty for whom the siren singing of Gregory’s words, was too much. He wrecked his boat on Picrow’s rocky coasts some weeks ago and hasn’t been heard from since. Jennifer Grife, a former associate, found an apparent attempt at communication in a bottle, which although damp and blurred, contained an interesting confessional fragment: . . . I just wish I had worn my red-eye blindfold, then maybe
. . . Ms. Grife is appealing to the public to come forward if anyone has seen hide or hair of him (Chris).
Smith averred, And it’s a damn-fine recruiting tool! Helen Crosby-Garcia said, Just have them send the money — as long as they understand that’s not why we do this.